Shanjev..or Jev Jev.. e baby my mum babysits.. so cute! 

Alan.. e first baby my mum babysits and my Ah ma.. 

My family.. taken @ Malaysia, Pontain! 

My msn nick says

"Regretz.. wasted 4 days doing nothing.. feel like giving myself 2 tight slaps.."
i guess i am really beyong hope le..coz til now.. i am stil updating my blog!!
hmmm.. ok lah.. actuly i gt do things.. like

1. clean up e hse n wash toilet..
2. made gifts for a fren.. Shhh she might be reading..
3. sorted out some videos.. have some plans in my mind
4. talked a lot wif my sis
5. went for one job interview
6. watched "Hitch" vcd

tat;s alll..
hmm.. tink listing makes me feel sadder..
haha..
shoo! hands off comp now!

Plong,.Yu & me..yeah another great buddy..

Plong, Qi, teng & me.. thou we dun see each other often..i know for sure that they will always be there for me.. 

VAT at bishan in JAn 05 

one whole day at COMP

hey hey.. so excited abt e new layout of my blog.. and e update of my photo album.. hee
do chk them out under links.. actully stil gt a lot of photos.. nt updated yet..like e yishun photos..
hee hee..

wil so so some time..i hope!

BALLO! 

oh no!!


i changed e template coz sick of e old..
BUT ...
all e previous comments.. are GONE!
oh no.. i reali love all e comment, encouragements.. fm plong, qi, remarks fm stel, advices fm seniors.. and there r all gone..
actuly i dun rem wat i had done last time.. why i have an additional comments section by Haloscan.. i dun rem any passwords now.. oso.. shit!

decided to blog after all..

hmmm, okok.. decided to blog afterall..
today no sch but went for a part-time job interview.. coz my sis told me abt it. thou i state in my form tat i only free in may.. they stil ask me go down..
actuly.. it;s for e general household survey conducted by singstats..
coz it wil be for 90 000 household tis time round.. they need a lot of ppl i tink..
anyway.. if interested can go apply at their website..

yup.. anyway they called me on wed, when i was in e midst of my lab.. i was v excited.. haha.. was told to bring ic, bc, o n A certs, matri card to change for security pass etc..

so today.. i was already a bit late.. n e train to marina bay is 7 mins away..
while waiting.. guess wat.. i realised i forgot to bring IC! oh my.. so i panicked n called e person up. n a train came.. so i quickly board..
after explaining to e lady i gt a photocopy of my IC.. she say mebbe i can juz come lor.. i thanked her n ended e call n heard.. "marsiling..di di di di"
yeah.. stupid me board wrong train. and worse, e marina bay train had left again!!!%$@^!$^&
so i waited another 6 mins.. and was 30 mins late,.,,
and when i walked into e waiting room.. there are at least 8 other ppl waiting.. they said they had waiting for 1 hr plus.. oh my.. as u might guess.. i oso spent close to 2 hrs waiting lah,,

outcome? dunno yet,, see if they need ppl den.. coz they applying in batches.. anyway,, i applied for e field interviewer position.. yaya.. and they use PDA to record one lor. sounds cool rite? reali hope i gt e job.. hee

den.. went CWP walk walk.. v v v long nvr go walk walk le..
actuly nothing much oso.. but jzu looking out for b dae prez.. but stil nvr buy.. no suitable one lei..

den back home,.. baby sit lor. haha.. always e case at b4 dinner time.. anyway. my mum nt feeling well so gt help out more..

at nite.. online.. chat on phone.. chking out others blogl.. commenting.. emailing. tieing loose ends of some yishun stuffs,, blogging lor..

in total: i did nothing today, i slacked again =(

原来，我已不知不觉地变成了蛋。。

rem my previous blog abt e carrot, egg n coffee?

"Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? "

somehow.. i am disgusted that i am an egg after all..
even without big trials..
with mere increased workload.. assignments.. tests,.. i had become:
bitter n tough..
short-tempered n impatient..
jing jing ji jiao..
hopefully.. i am nt so unbearable ba...

fan...

hmmm, dunno lei..
tuis wk end is relatively "free-er" in e sense that there is no test tis wk,,
why fan lei? i oso dunno..
so many things in my mind..

esp NOC ba..
recently,, gt more briefings n stuffs to settle for NOC.
i always question myself.. how much do i reali want to go for this?
i can't seem to convince myself totally lei..

NOC seems to be a great opportunity.. tat;s wat everyone says..
but somehow many ppl seems to see gg US as more desirable..
hmmmm.. i am someone who is usually affected by wat others tink n say..
mebe esp when 4 other chem eng r gg to US, bio valley.. i do feel a bit inferior..

i stil rem last yr after i went for interview.. e first round of interview..
i met a senior n he say as a matter of factly..
"actully, i dun tink u will get in, those who r gg are all v zai de.."
althou at that time.. i was influenced by plong n zs to go for e interview.. together we talk abt how gd it would be if we get in.. blah blah n blah..
but.. e blunt n candid comment of a senior i really respect.. did affect me greatly..
til now.. i keep questioning myself.. am i gd enuff?

during e briefing.. prof teo talk abt e expectations of NOC students.. talked abt e achievements of e ppl who went there..
am i reali wonder if i can cope.. ful time intern.. den study part-time...
gt to take care of myself.. myself..
ok.. mebbe gt to stay wif a few "fren-to be"
yeah.. i dunno e rest at all.. e other 15 who r gg..
even for e other 4 gg BV.. when i talk to them.. they gif me a feeling that they r more superior.. coz i was in NOC since last sem.. early applicant.. they onli gt in tis sem.. i noe more abt e program details.. after all i had done research on it.. but they dun seem to believe wat i say. ok lor. by all means.. to tink i was so happy n relieved to see ppl in tis prog fm chem engin wif me.. but i guess.. they nvr give me e "qin-qie gan" that i was yearning for..

haha.. ya lor.. tat;s me..
thou some may think i appear rather independent..
but i am afterall.. someone.. nt yet 21.. siomeone who had nt travel b4.. someone who dunno wat i want..
gg for tis.. means taking a big step... at least to me lah..

when frenz ask me abt NOC.. i reali dunoo wat to say.
i always have to repeat.. i dun like to say much,,
wat if.. in e end..i nvr go?

as in.. now is e period when we wait for interviews lah.. if evrything goeson smoothly..
as in if i managed to get intern b4 15 jun..
den go medical chk up..
den apply visa
and scholarship
.. den off i go..
when i leaving? i dunno.. depends on e company..
wat will i be doing? i duno.. depends oso..
when will i grad? i dunno.. depends on howi can map e modules when i am back..
wat if i dun get e scholarship?
wat if i go there.. den company fold down?

on one hand. i have so many uncertainties.. n doubts n worries..
gg alone for sth i am nt sure abt..
i noe.. when i am back. things will be diff..
i will be missing out alot..
frens here.. family.. everything here..

on e other hand.. i have to convince my family.. that i can do it..

they always ask.."hey, u really want to go ah?"

my mum always ask"who is going with you? you gt frenz gg ah?"

my dad would say "yi ge ren.. must take care of yrslef..muz wait one yr den can come back.. "

my mum would go on.. "yi ge ren, v xinku de,, where will u stay? wat will u be doing? when going? wat company? stay wif who? reali gona study at fudan? one yr ah.. so long.. actuly.. can't say long.. can;t say short oso..

my sis used to keep sayin "dun go lah.. go for wat? wa. u go le.. i'll be alone.. one yr so long.."
den i ask her back.. "when u say all these.. have u reali considered wat it is? have u consideered fm my pt of view? u tink i go for fun ah? nvr even tink properly.. onli ask me to dun go.. do u now how important a decision it is for me?"
fm den on.. she nvr comment le.. as in nvr say dun go..
but she nvr ask me to go oso..onli say.. "so u really going ah?"

to go or nt to go..
i guess rite now.. i wun juz take it as wat it is..
see if i gt intern..
if yes .. i go..
if nt.. i dun go..

hopefully.. it would be a right decision..

我想, 我要做个咖啡豆!

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity... boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

*******************************************************************************************************************************************
inspiring story thanks to zhi cheng...
juz a moment ago, i am stil lamenting non-stop at e tonnes of things that were undone.. like some immature kid..
but now..
我想, 我要做个咖啡豆!

心情不好，想打人！

ARGH.. i dunno why but i am super irritable now! realli..
so pek cek.. nvr felt so pek cek since v long..
perhaps coz...there r simply so many things to do n i realli feel stressed.. no time no time

1. juz had 2116 test ytd.. n haiz.. wasted another chance,...sad
2. had a terrible heachache ytd.. mebbe co nvr sleep properly.. (onli gd thing is e fun i had while painting banner ytd.. helpin out for can proj..)
3. back.. and slept without doing anything.. coz reach home late
4. tis morn i woke up and was busy wif labreport n labreport n labreport
5. edited my CVS due tml!! ask GP to help me vet me chinese..
6. my cousins came over.. haiz.. WHOLE sunday gone.. i would love their visit if nt for e tonnes of stuffs i need to do
7. my gem proj due on tue.. stil gt many things nt settled,.. apparently e rest like e bit heck care.. expect someone to settle.. or is it me too gan cheong? haiz.. waited so long online for my gp mate to send me sth.. den need to edit n finalise!
8. PDC CN3121!! assignment due on fri.. test on sat.. i haven;t touch!!!
9. CN2116 assignment.. die die.. tut oso dun understand.. ok i nvr go..
10. wonderkids.. haiz.. last wk cancelled.. so gt to make arrangements.. ok settled le..

HAIZ.. i tink i am a real complain queen..
nag nag nag..
but no action!

watever! i dun care le!

FELL again today!!

haha.. ok.. i admit i v clumsy one..
i fell in lt5 b4, lt7a, woodlands MRT b4 n today at CLEMENTI MRT today during peak hours today.. wa sey.. super malu.. was stoning.. coz.. ytd sleep v late mah. close to 3am.. den hor,, was so blur nvr see camy.. and gt a fright when she pat my shoulder at e escalator and was stil blur.. n e nxt thing i noe, i am on my fours le hor... my papers all over e place.. den stil gt some loud loud laughter in e bkgrd.. was too paiseh to turn round to take a look.. but lata camy told me he was on phone lah.. anyway,.. paiseh paiseh.. and e first thing i ask camy was,.."eh.. gt any chem eng ppl behind us ant.." kaoz.. den lata we saw a few and i wonder if they saw me fall...

anyway.. gt back pdc paper... haiz.. below ave n just passed.. my concepts v poor lei.. sadden..
oh ya.. actuly went back for my cousin's wedding during e weekend..
she is juz a yr older den me. and she gt married!! while me.. erm... dun need elaborate..
wa.. she v beautiful lei.. and look v blissful... so sweet......
haha.. wonder when will be my turn.. haha..
shall not elaborate further.. if nt will appear v despo like dat..

okok. no time for slacking now le lah. gona turn in.. hee
hee..